Things Some City Jerk Might Say When He Gets Into Nature
"Sometimes, I forget what trees smell like, you know?"
"I just want to go to where Taco Bell hasn't."
"Guys, nature is like losing yourself and finding yourself at the same time. Like an only child playing hide n seek."
"Let's live out here!"
"This is so real. This is a realer real. Like what I'm dealing with in the city seems real but then I get out here and all that fake real peels away. This is my real now."
"Can I crap anywhere? Will the animals eat my turds? If you eat turds do they become instant turds? Like a digestive HOV lane?"
"We should just get naked. We should do this hike with the wind at our buttcheeks."
"I saw Into the Wild. Let's not eat those mushrooms."
"Nature is ah-mazing! Robinson Crusoe was so lucky! So was Castaway Tom Hanks!"
"What kind of bird was that? Nobody knows? NOBODY knows?!"
"I'm so sick of City Me. Let's kill him. Who wants to enter into a murder suicide pact with me?"
"Who's going to help me check my nethers for ticks?"
"I'm so glad my phone gets no service here. It's so freeing. It's so nice to unplug...do you think the world is okay? How will we know? We can't. Because you took us into Deliverance rapetropolis. The real people in the cities could all be nuclear ash but we're stuck in a place god can't even see with no way to...twitter update! Oh, John Mayer!"
"Ew! Get it off me! Get this nature off me!"
