We all
know Attila the Hun. (who is totally a dude, I was confused, too) But since I'm
an amazing genealogist, I’ve tracked down some other Huns almost as famous.
Larry the
Hun – Attila’s younger brother. He
didn’t love bloodletting as much as his bro, but he found his true calling in
cobbling. And it’s hard to murder
innocents without a good pair of yak leather shoes.
Hunny Bun
Hun – obviously a baker. Attila had a
sweet tooth. And if Hunny wasn’t
cooking, Attila might go killing out of anger and not just plain kingdom
expanding malice.
Attila
the Hun-gry – dude was like a bottomless pit even when there weren’t enough
spoils of war for eating. He was always
advising Attila on attacking France because he heard they had the best steak houses.
Attila
the Hun-k – sometimes Attila would put on his ‘lady-getting-tunic’ and wash his
nomad hair with olive oil and then go on the ‘hun-t’ and ‘satisfy his hun-ger
for hun-ies’. It was often hun-sightly.
Oprah the
Hun – known for really busting Attila’s chops in interviews but then fawning
over his wife Beyonce the Hun
Fun the
Hun – everybody’s favorite Hun. Hands down.
Attila totally killed him.
The The
Hun – they all treated him like he had a stutter.
Janeane
Garofolo the Un-hun – she was part of the greatest Hun-pire ever and she was so
vocally against it the whole time. A
real bummer.
Crocodile
Hun-dee – Australian Hun cousin
Hun-der
Cat – Attila’s cat. Killed innocent mice villagers.
The
Atlantic O-Hun – totally real guy. Invented the boogie board.
Show Me
the Hun-ey – Cuba Gooding Jr.’s dad
The
Hun-ey Nut Hun-ch the Hun – my research is sound. This lady is real!
Eddie
Hun-ster – not welcome at the Hun table.
Real creepy kid.
Hun
Forest Hun – a lovely person.
Mis-hun-derstood in his day. He
was hun-believable. He met John F.
Hunnedy and fought in the Viet-hun war and ran across the Russian Steppes like
twelve times and created the famous wagon sticker seen on carts all over
Europe, “Hun Happens.”
