Sometimes I think to apologize for the complete randomness of my blog. It is a madhouse. Why would I follow a kind of sad tell-all about my dad and me with some rampant silliness like below?
Because I'm a weirdo. That's why. Here's part two of my fake Choose-Your-Own-Adventure written by two siblings, Kevin and Kayla.
Here's the link to the prior pages:
PAGES 1-3
NINJAS ARE NEVER YOUR FRIENDS (CEPT SUMTIMES WHEN THEY ARE, KEVIN)
A CHOOSE-YOUR-OWN-ADVENTURE-NOVEL
by Kevin Grimes (11) and Kayla Grimes (8)
PAGE 4
Mike Killhart arrived at the Secret
Base on Murder Mountain. The mountain
was so high that birds that tried to fly that high would die and fall a million
feet down. And villagers beneath were frequently killed by these dumb birds. The only way to get up there was by secret
ninja magic and ladders.
Mike culd
feel his luv gettin closr to him.
Jessica wuz being kept in Seckret Bass and wen he saw hur he was goin to
kiss her face off. And dey wood esckape
down the mounten inn to a hourse buggy
wich’d take dem rite to the marying chuch.
Or
not! More like they’d first kill-murder
all the ninjas for taking them captive.
Because the ninjas don’t even know something that Mike knew all
along. Mike was also a ninja. Trained in Future Ninjary. So this was all going according to plan (except
for whatever crap Kayla writes.)
I’m soooo
totlly tellin Mom u wroet the C-word, Kevin.
Shut up,
Kayla. You’re messing up my story book.
You can’t erase pen. I shouldn’t even let
you do this with me. You’re the worst.
I’m tellin
Mom you calld me the werst again! I’m
the best and the prettyist. Mom sed so. Yu arnt beecuz you get pimpills.
“I really hate
you.” said Mike to his used-to-be fiancé Jessica when they brought him to the
dungeon. “I hate you and I hope you
never grow up but just rot inside this jail cell and your Mom and Dad don’t
even care. And I wish your face had
warts, too”
Jesicca
knoo it wuz somthing Mike waz just sayeeing because he rally luved her and
shard hiz Haloweens candys with her thet one yeer she coldn’t go owt. Jessicka luvd Mike’s hart and knu he’d get
dem out of thiz base hole. He wuznt the
prettiest fianchee to look att but he sher knu some seckret ninjer mooves.
“Nope.”
Mike said surlily, “I really don’t ever want to be with your stupid self. Just die.
I’m never going to save you. So
don’t even to try to get some hope going because I’m more likely to make out
with my butt than you.”
And then
Mike wuz overcoom wit eemotionz. The
other ninjers wernt looking, so Mike had a real romantick cision to make.
GO TO PAGE 5) Kiss Jesicka thru the prizon barz.
GO TO PAGE 6) Kill the ninjers becuz they wrnt looking at
all.
PAGE 5
Mike leaned into kiss Jessica and when her grody doo-doo
lips touched his ninja lips, he died.
They infected his mouth like a toilet disease and he started turning
purple and tried screaming at Jessica but his throat swelled up like a sewer
during a rainstorm. That’s what love
makes you, Kayla. Dead.
YOUR NINJA
ADVENTURE HAS ENDED
PAGE 6
“I sed thoze words to
throe oft the ninjers, Jess.” Mike pashion-whisspered thru the bars. “I way luv you and I’ll git us owt. Promist. “
Jessicaa was mooved to
tears and cryed them down her face.
“Now klose your mowth,
Jessicka. I don’t went to git blud in
it.”
And then Mike thrue
twunty ninjer stars at the ninjers baks. They dyed wit explo explozuns. Blud flew anywhair like a spillt spagitti
dinner and Kevin will bee soo happi bout this he’ll prolly saye he won’t hate
me anymores.
With al the Ninjers
ded, Mike knu he culd free Jessika. But
den he saw stars. And feel too the
grownd. Standing in his eyes area was
the real werst, Japanees Steeven. And he
laffed the most eevill laffs.
FWA BA HA! FWA BA BA BA!
TURN TO PAGE 7
