When Edie was only six weeks old, she learned how to text. This is the continuing saga of our communication.
EDIE: Pop, are we prepared for a zombie apocalypse?
POP: Holy crap. Who told you about zombies?
EDIE: Another baby. We've been texting. Her dad works for the CDC. So what's up? We got plans?
POP: No. We do not. Because I don't make plans for FICTION.
EDIE: Zombies are real. Bunny told me.
POP: You're trusting a human named Bunny?
EDIE: It's short for Bunnifer, Dad. What's short for my name? E?
POP: Edie. That's short for Edith.
EDIE: EDIE ISN'T MY REAL NAME?!?
POP: They're both your name. You really didn't know this?
EDIE: My life is a lie! Everything I know is built upon a foundation of doo-doo!
POP: Stop being so dramatic. Your Mom and I aren't those freaks who name their kids nicknames like Cathy or Joey.
EDIE: My friends Cathy and Joey would cry buckets if they heard that!
POP: Well, their parents suck. And so do Bunny's parents.
EDIE: That's terrible. Bunny's mom is dead.
POP: I'm sorry. I didn't know.
EDIE: She was killed by a zombie.
POP: Oh, shut up. I'm busy. Stop texting me nonsense.
EDIE: And then she turned into a zombie and Bunny's dad had to put her down. It's very romantic.
POP: There's no such thing as zombies! Bunny is lying to you. Wait. Are you sure this is another baby?
EDIE: You never let me have any friends!
POP: I'm trying to protect you from weirdos! Maybe Bunny is actually a black market baby stealer. If not, I just need to protect you from friends with stupid names!
EDIE: Why don't you protect me from zombies first?
POP: Why don't I protect us from everything fictional? Because do you know what's more terrifying than zombies? Unicorns.
EDIE: Eek. What's a unicorn?
POP: It's an all white horse. White as a dead man's finger bone. But you'll know it by the huge glistening spike sticking from its forehead. And it's pissed at all mankind because when there was a great flood, Noah forgot it. And it tread water for over a year, cursing all humans, waiting for revenge.
POP: The unicorn only has a few weaknesses. Bedtime stories, gatling guns, and meatball subs.
EDIE: We need to get some of those. I don't want to get spiked.
POP: Your mom will be mad but I'll take one for the team. I'll order a protective meatball sub right now.
EDIE: Thanks, Pop. Now in case the zombies are riding the unicorns, how many shotguns do we have?
POP: Enough. I even got you a little baby shotgun.
EDIE: You're the best. Hey, Bunny wants to know what time you and Mom sleep and what's the easiest point of access to our apartment.
POP: I'm calling the cops.
EDIE: What should I tell her? The fire escape? Could we leave the door open?
