1. First, I JUST AM!
2. He doesn't do anything. He just hangs around different high schools listening to banal conversations like he's looking for something to feel superior to.
3. I hang out in the sun. Which rules. And my sweet tan looks way better than Pillsbury face.
4. If I had vampire superpowers, I would use them for the greater good. I wouldn't hang out in some lame-o hick town. I'd be fighting supervillians. And my name would be The Sparkle.
5. I'm not moody. I smile a lot. And I'm funny. And Edward Cullen IS NOT FUNNY! I read that book. He never says anything funny. And neither does Stephenie Meyer.
6. My ability to eat makes me more fun at restaurants. And less creepy. And makes people less conscious about their weight because I don't lurk around food like an anorexic middle school girl.
7. I like animals. They're awesome. I don't bum rush them in the woods and suck their life out.
8. I stopped a van once. Big deal.
9. I keep civic traffic laws. Because I'm responsible. And not an anarchist douche.
10. When Valerie sleeps I don't stand in the corner of her room and watch her like a PERV. I just go to bed next to her. And if vampires come in the middle of the night to kill her, that's crazy. I mean, what are the chances of that? How can I be constantly prepared for that sort of thing?
