Best Movies We Saw in 2012

I interviewed the New Year's Eve crew about their favorite movies of the year and then compiled my own.  The New Year's crew is me, Val, and Chelsea Ashton.  So it went pretty fast.

James's List o' 10

I'm still catching up on some movies.  Here's the list of movies I haven't seen but intend to see that will make this list change:  Beasts of the Southern Wild, Lincoln, Les Mis, Cabin in the Woods, Life of Pi, The Hobbit, Silver Linings Playbook, Zero Dark Thirty, and Flight.

Of the movies I've seen, here's my list.  It was a fun year for movies and a lot of my favorite movies were the ones I had the most fun at.

10.  Cloud Atlas

This movie was a big, ambitious mess of a movie with a lot prostheses and yellow face and it fell short a lot but I love movies that go for broke.  There's so much playing it safe in Hollywood.  I'll take mess over same old.

9.  John Carter

Same thing as Cloud Atlas in ways.  It didn't hit all the marks but it was epic and fun and beautiful to look at.  I had a great time and I wish there were going to be more.  Alas, critics killed it before it had time to hatch.  Marketing and renaming didn't help either but I loved it.

8.  Prometheus

Ridley Scott and Damon Lindelof together?  Crazy.  And it felt like them together.  Like they were both guiding the crazy reins.  Uncomfortable?  Yes.  Can I love Michael Fassbender even more? No.  I'm at maximum capacity now.

7.  The Dark Knight Rises

It was a satisfying conclusion for me.  Taking Gotham hostage was an amazing move.  I've never seen anything like it.  Didn't know it was coming.  It was good to see Batman's no fear of death plot be answered and turned around.

6.  Hunger Games

When I saw this, I felt the tone.  It never quit.  The opening scenes kept a feeling through the whole movie that just never let go.  I loved the book and I loved this adaptation.

5.  Skyfall

My favorite Bond movie now. In ways it was the Anti-Bond movie.  It got down to relationships and aging out of the spy world.  And the end wasn't going to some exotic locale and jetski fighting or something. It was up close and personal. And Javier Bardem is the best Bond villain ever. EH-VER.

4.  Looper

Rian Johnson (the director) is quickly becoming one of my favorite all time directors.  This movie looked like it was going to be some mindless awesome time travel action.  But this movie had some real heavy themes going on. This is his third movie I've adored.  JGL and B. Willis together forever.

3.  Argo

Ben Affleck.  Who knew?  You are one fantastic director.  Recreating those scenes from the newsfeeds during the Iran Hostage Crisis was chilling.  I couldn't believe people would act like this.  I was having a hard believing this actually happened.  As I'm sure people felt during the time.  And then the humor balancing the movie out was handled with a deft touch.

2.  Moonrise Kingdom

It's a fight between number 1 and 2.  I am a superfan of Wes Anderson but even admitting that, this movie was something special.  I know a lot of people hated that awkwardness of the kids making out but it was so real and awkward.  I remember that.  It was that sincere and scary and I just felt the whole movie captured something indelibly quirky and true.

1.  Avengers

I can't even gush enough about this movie.  It was everything I wanted it to be.  And then ten times more.  These are second rate superheroes.  People I never cared about while reading comics.  Captain Shield Spinner and his buddies, Hammer Boy and Robot Suit and Purple Robin Hood.  But holy crap.  Avengers was a revelation.  A fanboy mind explosion.

Chelsea's Top Ten List

Chelsea is having a hard time narrowing down her list.  She says her list is 'blockbustery' but she liked a lot of movies and she likes what she likes, so get over it.

10.  Pitch Perfect

9.  Hunger Games

8.  Secret World of Arietty

7.  Wreck-It Ralph

6.  Moonrise Kingdom

5.  Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2

4.  The Dark Knight Rises

3.  Les Miserable

2.  Avengers

1.  Argo

Valerie's Favs

Val gives her top 3.  She didn't see that many movies this year.  Because apparently babies have to be taken care of.

3.  Hunger Games

It's impossible to compare it to the book without being disappointed.  As a stand alone movie, it was beautifully crafted.  

2.  Moonrise Kingdom

I will spend my whole life waiting for my address to be:  Summer's End.

1.  Twilight:  Breaking Dawn Part 2

Suck it, haters.  I defy you to find a series that ends better than that does.  It's all about the fans.  And that's me.

Honorable Mentions:  Wreck It Ralph & Avengers

The Seven Adorable Wonders of the World, Part 1

Not all Seven are here yet. I have to think about this. But I'm taking suggestions. And pictures. This all started last night when I told Valerie that Richard Scarry's book "I Am a Bunny" is one of the Seven Adorable Wonders of the World.

So this is Number 1.

Get this book. I mean it. Buy it. Your mouth will hurt with the perpetual 'aw' sound that comes out. This picture doesn't even do it justice. When he plays with butterflies, you might die. If you want to look at some scans of it, go here.

Number 2.

What the crap is this? Who did this and how is a normal human being supposed to ignore this? I am face melting with cuteness.

Number 3

Yeah, that's right. Watch it. Or Darth Vader, "he'll getcha!"

I can't even post the rest yet. My eyeballs and feelings hurt.

10 Reasons I'm Cooler Than Edward Cullen

1. First, I JUST AM!

2. He doesn't do anything. He just hangs around different high schools listening to banal conversations like he's looking for something to feel superior to.

3. I hang out in the sun. Which rules. And my sweet tan looks way better than Pillsbury face.

4. If I had vampire superpowers, I would use them for the greater good. I wouldn't hang out in some lame-o hick town. I'd be fighting supervillians. And my name would be The Sparkle.

5. I'm not moody. I smile a lot. And I'm funny. And Edward Cullen IS NOT FUNNY! I read that book. He never says anything funny. And neither does Stephenie Meyer.

6. My ability to eat makes me more fun at restaurants. And less creepy. And makes people less conscious about their weight because I don't lurk around food like an anorexic middle school girl.

7. I like animals. They're awesome. I don't bum rush them in the woods and suck their life out.

8. I stopped a van once. Big deal.

9. I keep civic traffic laws. Because I'm responsible. And not an anarchist douche.

10. When Valerie sleeps I don't stand in the corner of her room and watch her like a PERV. I just go to bed next to her. And if vampires come in the middle of the night to kill her, that's crazy. I mean, what are the chances of that? How can I be constantly prepared for that sort of thing?

Best Songs of 2008

So truthfully, I've had a busy year and have not kept up on music. If not for the inimitable Tyson Schenk found at Keep Your Face Radical, I would not have known about much. So lately I've been boning up on music but I may have missed a few. Here's my list. I'll post what songs I can find for download.

New Artists (To Me at Least)

Grizzly Bear -- the artist I couldn't get enough of, I've been obsessed ever since his performance on Letterman
While You Wait for the Others
Two Weeks

Fleet Foxes - my favorite album of the year, these hairy dudes make you want to romp through the backwoods
Ragged Wood
White Winter Hymnal
Blue Ridge Mountains

Bon Iver - I forgot to put this up due to some confusion about the release date, but I loved this album. No single on this list grabbed me as fast as "Skinny Love". Allen put up link to "For Emma", go get that as well.
Skinny Love
The Wolves (Act I and II)

Artists I Gave Another Chance This YearBlitzen Trapper - I wasn't into their previous album, Wild Mountain Nation, but I'm sold with "Furr"
Furr
Black River Killer

The Black Keys - didn't dig a lot of their previous stuff, sounded too much like the Rolling Stones (whom I don't like, with a few song exceptions), but this one song revived my interest. I recommend listening to it in a parked car on a rainy Brooklyn night
Psychotic Girl

Old Favorites with the New Madness

Almost Crimes(Acoustic) - Broken Social Scene -- not sure if this is new, but it's new to me and it's my new fave Broken Social Scene song, and it's not easy to take the crown with me

Gamma Ray - Beck -- I love me some Beck and I'm loving this

Lost! - Coldplay -- I tell myself every year I'm over Coldplay and every year I reconsider

Gobbledigook - Sigur Ros -- just lovely

Grounds for Divorce - Elbow -- this is Elbow like I've never heard them and I'm surprised and blown away

Creeper - The Islands -- Tyson showed me the magic of this band when they were The Unicorns and now this new project is still spectacular

Joe's Waltz - The Dodos -- I love The Dodos, I mean I love them and want to have baby Dodos with them

Fools - The Dodos -- again, I want to procreate

Lost Coastlines - Okkervil River -- my friend Aaron is a big fan of these guys, and I gave them a listen past their first album which I was only slightly acquainted with, this song is bad-ical
An Animal in Your Care - Wolf Parade -- didn't love these two songs enough until I saw them live
Kissing the Beehive - Wolf Parade

Newly Introduced and Still Spinning in my Earspace

Taking the Farm - The War on Drugs -- never heard of them, took a chance on some blog's recommendation, and I'm hooked. If you like Clap Your Hands, you'll dig em.

Sorry James - Whitsundays -- Allen turned me onto this and it has my name in it and I'm a narcissist and I can't see how I wouldn't like it, and moreover, Allen's taste in music is impeccable

Sold! To the Nice Rich Man - The Welcome Wagon -- Sufjan Steven's friend, even if you don't like Sufjan (I'm squinting at two of you, you know who you are) I'd say give it a try, it's very old religious folk music with an upbeat sentiment

L.E.S. Artistes - Santogold -- didn't hear it until recently and it hasn't really had enough plays to cement its goodness but so far I'm into it.

Amplifier - The dBs -- couldn't find a link. I'll figure out how to make a zip file for download. This song makes me laugh. But then suicide isn't funny to everyone.

Gossip in the Grain - Ray LaMontagne -- I only found a live version to link that I haven't listened to. But the studio version haunts me with it's breathy story.

Jackson Leftfield - Boxer the Horse -- it was #1 catchiest song on some dude's blog and I thought I'd peep it. Oh, it'll catch ya.

Gila - Beach House -- Gillz introduced me to this band and I've been digging them ever since. It's so spare and beautiful.

Songs that Rule and Made Me LaughThe Nun's Litany - Magnetic Fields -- such a funny song, explicit, but really creative detailing the secret wishes of a nun who wants to be something else

Too Drunk to Dream - Magnetic Fields -- if I drank, this would be my drinking song, and I would teach it to everyone in the bar. In fact, the reason I don't drink is because there's no more drinking songs. Except for "Free Bird" and I hate that song.

Robocop - Kanye West -- I have a fascination with Kanye and he's a guilty pleasure for me. This new album had some tracks I dug but I freaking love a chorus comparing a girl to Robocop. It doesn't even really make sense.

Marvel's Most Pathetic Supervillains

Dr. Bong

– your classic journalist turned geneticist. His name has nothing to do with drugs. He’s called Dr. Bong because he wears a bell on his head. He wonders why he has migraines. The greatest disappointment of his life is not that he got his hand chopped off by a prop guillotine but that his metal band never took off. There’s nights when he wonders why the hell he didn’t attach something more useful than a bronze clanger to his left stump. It’s perfectly great for rolling dough or kneading tired muscles but he’s noticed his left arm is now noticeably stronger than his right arm. Freakishly so. Like he’s been scooping ice cream with the same arm for twenty years. The only thing he enjoys about his costume is no one questions his metal girdle. He has frequent nightmares about belfries.

Tar Baby

– if anyone has a decent beef with God, it’s this guy. While other mutants got sweet powers like Optic Beams and Telekinesis, Tar Baby was born with the power to stick to people and offend black people. His skin turns into some tar substance that makes it impossible to blow his nose, read a paper, or spoon. He hangs with the Morlocks who are freaks living in the sewers so not only is he sticking to stuff but it’s the worst stuff possible. Sometimes he considers running away to a suburb and rolling around in fresh grass clippings so he could at least be Grass Baby. But he has Hay Fever. The Morlocks are hotheads and they’re always getting into fights which Tar Baby dreads. Because when Wolverine is all beserker and slashy, the only thing worse than facing him is sticking him to you so he’s just pissed off up close. Tar Baby has a pet squirrel that’s been stuck in his left knee pit for two months.

Stilt Man

– it’s the literal quality of his name that should tip you off to his inventiveness. Stilts. That was his master plan. Giant telescoping legs that help him rob high rise buildings. He’s even considered a loser by other supervillains. Stiltsy can’t catch a break because unlike regular sized villains, everyone always knows where he is. Sure, he can run like thirty miles an hour but the cops can’t miss 100 ft ski poles traipsing through their city. And forget about country sides, he’s a walking lightning rod. Daredevil, Spiderman, and Iron Man are bad news for him but he’s more concerned about streetlights and quick turns by taxis. He’s been in traction twice because of open manholes. It was in the hospital he developed an affection for Clifford. He feels like that dog could really understand him.

Blowhard

– can’t say a word without a gale erupting from his mouth. So now he never speaks unless he’s fighting good guys or losing at cards. He even wanted to be a good guy but it was impossible to protest without making people eat wind. He used to shout epic things like “Try this on for size!” and “I’ll see you in hell!” but most times people could only understand the first syllable before they got thrown into a wall. So now he just shouts random words like “Lipitor!” or “Bunions!” because the end result is the same. He’s taken to writing a fantasy football blog and is taking sign language classes at the community center. His girlfriend is healing in the hospital after a disastrous open mouth kiss.

The Mad Thinker

– a super genius who modeled himself after a famous statue. He was originally just The Thinker but no one was getting his whole villain concept and he threw a temper tantrum at an Evil Genius Party. He’s constantly explaining his name to the press and heroes he captures. There always like “What do you think about?” and “Why are you so mad?” So now he’s taken to entering rooms in the pose of “The Thinker” and everyone says “Oooooh” but they all feel he’s being really dramatic because who enters a room in a pose? And that means he always has to bring a henchman with him and the box with wheels and it’s just become a real hassle. He’s considering a sidekick called The Scream.

OCT 21- The Best Day EVER! Postponed!

So I've been eagerly awaiting Oct 21. It used to be the day the Large Hadron Collider or LHC completed The Test. The mini Big Bang. If any of you have been reading Joe's blog, there's some concerns out in the scientific community about what will happen. The main concern is that it will open a tiny black hole.

And according to Hawking, that's where time travel can occur. Some scientists are saying that once that blackhole opens, it will be officially "YEAR ZERO" according to time travel and people from the future can visit us because we suddenly have the technology. If any of you have seen Star Trek 4 or Back to the Future you can see how tricky future technology is on the past.

Of course, there's tons of argument about this and a lots of scientists are crying "Hooey" (only scientists retain use of that word nowadays) but I've decided I believe it. Because I know who's going to step out of that Time Portal when it opens up.

Me.

That's right. I've decided that I am Earth's perfect Ambassador to the Past. Let's go over my qualifications.

1. I'll be really rich. Stuff is probably cheaper in the past. And when I come back with all my future money I'll be way richer. Rich people get respect.

2. I'm really cool. And scientists are all nerds, so when I step through that portal and start high fiving dudes, they will immediately accept me.

3. I love myself. So when I come back, Past Me will totally vouch for Future Me. And that will put the nations of the world at ease.

4. I'll bring presents. And who doesn't want Future Stuff?

5. I'm photogenic. Because there's gonna be lots of pictures of me and I'll probably get endorsement deals, too. I'll be on TV saying stuff like, "Man, this new Chili Cheese Burrito from Taco Bell tastes better than...THE FUTURE!"

6. I'll be an agent of peace. I'll tell the World Leaders outrageous lies like "In the future, we all killed each other with Laser Bombs and now we're living like Mad Maxes. You've gotta stop fighting or we'll all be lasered!" And then everyone will. And I will get a Nobel Prize.

7. I'll wear my pockets hanging out of my jeans. So everyone will know that Back to the Future II was actually a documentary and we can all be stoked that hover boards are on their way.

8. I tell funny stories. I'll be on the Late Night Circuit telling far out stories about how we all have replaceable heads and we can eat whatever we want without getting fat and Regis Philbin is our President.


The confusing parts about coming back to the past will occur at home. What if Future Me is more attractive to Valerie than Past Me? Because he's going to be more famous and probably less of a rube. Is it cheating if we have the same DNA?

The best parts will be that I get to hang out with myself. I think I'm hilarious! Past Me and Future Me will like the same movies, play video games together, get matching tattoos of the Rebellion symbol, and eat lots of ice cream. We can trade clothes. I can mooch off Future Me and he won't even care because it's just benefitting himself!

But they've postponed this happy day until Spring 2009. It's such torture. I can't wait to meet Me!

(Purported) Famous Last Words

I've read a few of these and I'm always interested. In fact, I have a few ideas of what my own last words should be. Will I be able to say them? Who knows. If I die the way I want to, no one will be around to hear them. But I'll still say them anyway. Maybe record them for posterity. Here's some I liked. (Though I can't prove they're true.)

"Play the last measure very softly."
-Anna Pavlova, famous Russian ballet dancer, as she died from pneumonia holding her costume from The Dying Swan

Thomas Jefferson--still survives...
~~ John Adams, US President, d. July 4, 1826
(Actually, Jefferson had died earlier that same day.)

Am I dying or is this my birthday?
When she woke briefly during her last illness and found all her family around her bedside.
~~ Lady Nancy Astor, d. 1964

Nothing, but death.
When asked by her sister, Cassandra, if there was anything she wanted.
~~ Jane Austen, writer, d. July 18, 1817

How were the receipts today at Madison Square Garden?
~~ P. T. Barnum, entrepreneur, d. 1891

I can't sleep.
~~ James M. Barrie, author, d. 1937

Is everybody happy? I want everybody to be happy. I know I'm happy.
~~ Ethel Barrymore, actress, d. June 18, 1959

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him. (This is reported to be false but it's fun.)
~~ John Barrymore, actor, d. May 29, 1942

Now comes the mystery.
~~ Henry Ward Beecher, evangelist, d. March 8, 1887

Friends applaud, the comedy is finished.
~~ Ludwig van Beethoven, composer, d. March 26, 1827

I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.
~~ Humphrey Bogart, actor, d. January 14, 1957

Oh, I am not going to die, am I? He will not separate us, we have been so happy.
Spoken to her husband of 9 months, Rev. Arthur Nicholls.
~~ Charlotte Bronte, writer, d. March 31, 1855

Beautiful.
In reply to her husband who had asked how she felt.
~~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning, writer, d. June 28, 1861

Now I shall go to sleep. Goodnight.
~~ Lord George Byron, writer, d. 1824

I am still alive!
Stabbed to death by his own guards - (as reported by Roman historian Tacitus)
~~ Gaius Caligula, Roman Emperor, d.41 AD

I am dying. I haven't drunk champagne for a long time.
~~ Anton Pavlovich Chekhov, writer, d. July 1, 1904

The earth is suffocating . . . Swear to make them cut me open, so that I won't be buried alive.
Dying of tuberculosis.
~~ Frederic Chopin, composer, d. October 16, 1849

I'm bored with it all.
Before slipping into a coma. He died 9 days later.
~~ Winston Churchill, statesman, d. January 24, 1965

Goodnight my darlings, I'll see you tomorrow.
~~ Noel Coward, writer, d. 1973

Damn it . . . Don't you dare ask God to help me.
To her housekeeper, who had begun to pray aloud.
~~ Joan Crawford, actress, d. May 10, 1977

That was a great game of golf, fellers.
~~ Harry Lillis "Bing" Crosby, singer / actor, d. October 14, 1977

I am not the least afraid to die.
~~ Charles Darwin, d. April 19, 1882

I must go in, the fog is rising.
~~ Emily Dickinson, poet, d. 1886

It is very beautiful over there.
~~ Thomas Alva Edison, inventor, d. October 18, 1931

All my possessions for a moment of time.
~~ Elizabeth I, Queen of England, d. 1603

I've had a hell of a lot of fun and I've enjoyed every minute of it.
~~ Errol Flynn, actor, d. October 14, 1959

Yes, it's tough, but not as tough as doing comedy.
When asked if he thought dying was tough.
~~ Edmund Gwenn, actor, d. September 6, 1959

God will pardon me, that's his line of work.
~~ Heinrich Heine, poet, d. February 15, 1856

Turn up the lights, I don't want to go home in the dark.
~~ O. Henry (William Sidney Porter), writer, d. June 4, 1910

I see black light.
~~ Victor Hugo, writer, d. May 22, 1885

Let us cross over the river and sit in the shade of the trees.
Killed in error by his own troops at the battle of Chancellorsville during the US Civil War.
~~ General Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson, d. 1863

Is it the Fourth?
~~ Thomas Jefferson, US President, d. July 4, 1826

Let's cool it brothers . . .
Spoken to his assassins, 3 men who shot him 16 times.
~~ Malcolm X, Black leader, d. 1966

Go on, get out - last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
To his housekeeper, who urged him to tell her his last words so she could write them down for posterity.
~~ Karl Marx, revolutionary, d. 1883

I knew it. I knew it. Born in a hotel room - and God damn it - died in a hotel room.
~~ Eugene O'Neill, writer, d. November 27, 1953

Lord help my poor soul.
~~ Edgar Allan Poe, writer, d. October 7, 1849

I love you Sarah. For all eternity, I love you.
Spoken to his wife.
~~ James K. Polk, US President, d. 1849

Here am I, dying of a hundred good symptoms.
~~ Alexander Pope, writer, d. May 30, 1744

I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.
~~ François Rabelais, writer, d. 1553

I have a terrific headache.
He died of a cerebral hemorrhage.
~~ Franklin Delano Roosevelt, US President, d. 1945

Put out the light.
~~ Theodore Roosevelt, US President, d. 1919

Sister, you're trying to keep me alive as an old curiosity, but I'm done, I'm finished, I'm going to die.
Spoken to his nurse.
~~ George Bernard Shaw, playwright, d. November 2, 1950

I've had eighteen straight whiskies, I think that's the record . . .
~~ Dylan Thomas, poet, d. 1953

Moose . . . Indian . . .
~~ Henry David Thoreau, writer, d. May 6, 1862

God bless... God damn.
~~ James Thurber, humorist, d. 1961

Don't worry chief, it will be alright.
~~ Rudolph Valentino, actor, d. August 23, 1926

Woe is me. Me thinks I'm turning into a god.
~~ Vespasian, Roman Emperor, d. 79 AD

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
~~ Pancho Villa, Mexican revolutionary, d. 1923

I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have.
~~ Leonardo da Vinci, artist, d. 1519

I die hard but am not afraid to go.
~~ George Washington, US President, d. December 14, 1799

Go away. I'm all right.
~~ H. G. Wells, novelist, d. 1946

Either that wallpaper goes, or I do.
~~ Oscar Wilde, writer, d. November 30, 1900

I am ready.
~~ Woodrow Wilson, US President, d. 1924

Curtain! Fast music! Light! Ready for the last finale! Great! The show looks good, the show looks good!
~~ Florenz Ziegfeld, showman, d. July 22, 1932

But the most famous last words are: "Oh, s@#t." and "Hey, check this out!"

75 Things You Need to Do Before You Die

There was a list in Esquire this month. I thought it was great and decided to compile my own. I've stolen about five from him that I agreed with and wrote another seventy.

So, here's my challenge. All my bloggy friends and whoever else checks this out should try to write this list. The qualifications:

1)The list can only be comprised of things you've done. This is not a wish list.
2)It must be a one time thing. Not a life changing beatitude. This is not Seven Habits for Blah Blah Blahs.

You don't need to write 75 but you should try for something high. 10 is too low. Shoot for at least 25. If you only have 10, you need to live. Here's mine.

1. Make a travel goal and accomplish it. One for me was to visit London. Done. Another is to visit all 50 states. I'm at 47.

2. Go deep sea fishing. You need to feel that strain against your arms, feel what it's like to catch a fish that weighs pounds.

3. Shoot a gun. Even better, shoot multiple guns. Big ones. Shotguns and automatics.

4. Drive all night to somewhere. Preferably somewhere you're excited to go.

5. Go skinny dipping somewhere you can be caught.

6. Go to a concert in which you have to stand for the duration.

7. Ride a snowmobile.

8. Have a signature dish. Learn to make something great, master it, and be known for it.

9. Feel the force of a wave that can knock you over. You'll feel awed and powerless.

10. Go to the bathroom in the woods. Peeing is fine but having to go number 2 and wondering what you're going to use as toilet paper is as liberating as it is gross.11. Visit a country that doesn't speak one of the romance languages. You'll never feel so lost when you can't recognize a single letter on any sign.

12. Drive at least 100 mph on the highway. 125 is more like it.

13. Go movie hopping. And pack a lunch or dinner for it. Really commit to this.

14. See the Northern Lights. I have rarely seen anything that magnificent.

15. Swim across a lake. It's a small accomplishment but there's a feeling to walking in one side and standing up on the other.
16. Go to a political rally. Go hear a Presidential Candidate once and a local and state official.

17. Make a mixtape for someone. You should know what you like and be able to present it to someone.

18. Stay up all night and see a sunrise. I'm opposed to waking up for one though.

19. Commit to wearing shoes as little as possible for one summer.

20. Have a really expensive meal.

21. Visit both the Pacific and the Atlantic.

22. Fall asleep in the sun. The best part is waking up and seeing the whole world bleached out.

23. Feel a baby kick in someone's stomach.

24. Learn to drive a speedboat and pilot a sailboat.

25. Eat raw oysters. It's more of a dare than a meal but it needs to be done.

26. Try to write a list of 75 Things To Do Before You Die. It's harder than you think.

27. Watch a foreign film. I recommend Seven Samurai or Cinema Paradiso.

28. Tell a long story to a group of people.

29. Go snorkeling.


30. Do something people can be envious of.

31. Seek out a teacher that affected you and let them know.

32. Have a really good laugh. Laugh until you choke on it.
33. Float down a river in an innertube.

34. Spend a day inside butt naked. Do everything naked.

35. Go to a dance club and really, truly dance.

36. Feed a wild animal out of your hand.

37. Have a night where you deep fry all your food. It's amazing...how bad you'll feel afterwards.

38. Watch a lunar eclipse.

39. Write a poem about someone else that you'd never show them.


40. Join the Polar Bear Club. Jump into freezing water and then rush to a sauna. Repeat 5 times.

41. Try Gelato in Italy and Custard in Wisconsin.

42. Perform in front a large group of people. It doesn't matter what. Just experience it.

43. See the Perseid meteor shower. If possible, see it away from cities. I recommend Idaho.

44. Drink whole milk that hasn't been homogenized. Other milk will taste like chalk.

45. Buy some expensive jeans that fit well. You'll see the difference.

46. Go sit somewhere really high. Get perspective.

47. Drive by yourself for more than a day.48. Ride in a Cessna. That feels likes flying. Not passenger planes. Though it really is a Yugo with wings.

49. Figure out your favorite things--foods, books, albums, places, movies-and be able to list them off if people ask.

50. Learn how to play Chess and Othello.

51. Break a plate glass window once in your life. Just smash a window at least and hear that sweet irreplaceable sound.

52. Jump off a bridge or cliff into a body of water. A swear word is totally acceptable to say as you fall.

53. Walk around the town you live in at 3 or 4 pm. See what it's like without all the hubbub. Cities do sleep, you just have to catch them.

54. Pour dish washing liquid into a public fountain. The result is pure joy. If you're using the Joy brand of dish soap.

55. Find the biggest hill in your town and sled down it during the winter.
56. Take a long train ride. Make sure you look out the windows for a while.

57. Eat something you've never tried. Like ostrich or alligator.

58. Spend all day at a beach. Then come back after it's dark and spend a few hours sitting by the surf. Let that sound get in you.

59. Talk to a homeless person for a while.

60. Sell everything you don't need once. This is the most liberating thing you'll ever do.

61. Be in an eating contest.

62. Memorize your favorite poem.

63. Sing karaoke in front of people.

64. Spend a day walking. Just get out of your car and walk. Up and down a beach, through the woods, up and down a mountain.

65. Watch a scary movie by yourself at night. It's great in your own house, but it's better in someone else's house where you don't know every potential hiding place.

66. Give up something for a length of time and stick to it. Like give up pop or candy for six months. Even better, give up a hobby for a period of time and replace it with another hobby.

67. Be part of some commotion, some mob mentality, and just revel in it. Suggestions: go to a movie opening, go to Comicon, a political demonstration, etc. I was in a riot once and I helped with some bedlam.

68. Do something illegal. Not homicide though. Then you're just a jerk.

69. Be a connoisseur of something unpretentious. For example, I have tried at least fifty different brands of root beer and made my own. Valerie is a connoisseur of candy, I'd say.

68. Photocopy your butt and make copies for friends.

69. Throw a Turtleneck and Sweater Party. This means commanding everyone to go the thrift store and show up in awful holiday apparel, i.e. sweaters and turtlenecks with embroidered reindeer or snowmen, light up holiday pins, and awful pants and leggings. And everyone should modify their hair. Our friend Ben bought a hair piece, shaved the top of this head, and made a comb over. Legendary.70. Figure out how you like your eggs. If you've never tried anything but scrambled, you're a child.

71. Sleep outside for a week.

72. Pose for a photograper. Be a model. Find a photograph that is completely flattering and makes you look great and just cherish that.

73. Just get into your car and drive somewhere far away. I drove fifteen hours to L.A. once on a whim. Just threw a loaf of bread, and two jars of PB and Jelly into the passenger seat. Memorable.

74. Try sushi. Not just one piece. But a lot of different kinds. Eel is a revelation.

75. Become really great at something ridiculous. I am great at skipping rocks on water and I can make great armpit fart noises. I've spent in excess of ten hours a piece on these talents.

Zombies Among Us: Installment 1

For years I've been a bit zombie obsessed. With good reason, considering the Zombie Apocalypse is nigh upon us. For a prophetic look at this dread time, I would refer you to Max Brooks, chronicler of our undead infested future. His book Zombie Survival Guide and new work of non-fiction, World War Z, will prove invaluable very soon. Though I'm afraid you'll all read it too late. Cuz there's no reading when you're a brain sucking mutant. Only brain sucking.

But I've decided to throw some vital info out there just in case a few of you want to save your precious lives. Installment One will cover good and bad weapons compiled by fellow Anti-Zombie warriors.

Recommended Weapons for Zombie Slaying

Shotgun
50 Caliber Machine Gun (see Rambo 4)
Baseball Bat
Croquet Mallet
A Pack of Rabid Dobermans
Dual Chainsaw Hands
A Lightsaber
Sub Zero's Freeze and Uppercut Power
Pipebombs
Molotov Cocktails (on hand supply if you're a liquor store owner or alcoholic)
Two Hummers with Razor Wire Tied Between
Siberia
Ark of the Covenant (Indiana Jones version)
A Paintball Gun Filled with Marbles
Giant Magnifying Glass
A Mammoth Porcupine (of course, then you'll have a freaky huge porcupine terrorizing your neighborhood but we recommend the 50 Caliber again. Rambo knows)
Mad Max Style Razor Boomerang
Twin Tommy Guns
Magma (if you ever figure out how to wield it)
Low Ceiling Fans
General Grievous as a Best Friend
Ineffective Weapons Against Zombies

Waterguns
Rosaries
Urban Sprawl
Banana Peels
Martial Arts
Convertibles
Litigation
Throwing a Baby
All Things Nerf
Peer Pressure
Yippie Dogs
Skipping Stones
Snakes
An Intervention
Bikram Yoga
Santa
Global Warming
Toboggans
Guilt

Seven of My Favorite Comedies

Complex magazine listed their best 30 comedies of the last three decades and I disagreed with a lot of their choices. So I've decided to post my own list. I'll probably think of others later but here's my favorites off the top of my skullbox.

Groundhog Day

My favorite Bill Murray comedy. Sometimes people don't realize how tough comedy can be, and I would argue what Bill Murray has done here is as hard as what Tom Hanks did in Castaway. To take so much screen time, having to repeat lines over and over, and make it fresh every time, is a feat.

Favorite Line: "Ned Ryerson?!" followed by the right hook



Young Frankenstein

Gene Wilder's volcanic energy fascinates me. Most people of my generation know him as Willy Wonka but I fell in love with him as Dr. Frankenstein and the shaky handed gun slinger in Blazing Saddles. This scene in the locked room is one of my favorite all time comedy moments.

Favorite line: "No matter what you hear in there, no matter how cruelly I scream, no matter how much I may beg you, do not open this door or you will undo everything. DO NOT open this door!"
(goes inside with the monster, the monster screams at him)
"Let me out, let me out, get me the hell out of here. What's a matter with you people, don't you know a joke when you hear one? Open this goddamn door, or I'll kick your rotten heads in! Mommy!"

The Baxter

This is a little known comedy gem. Michael Showalter is a "Baxter", the definition being the boring, wrong guy that the girl always leaves for the cool, right guy. Think of it as a reverse of The Graduate. Elliot Sherman's pathetic life ensues and is hysterical.

Favorite Line: "I have to stop you right there, because I must tell you that I am also reading the dictionary!"


Arsenic and Old Lace

Cary Grant is a genius. He basically created the one sided telephone call in this movie. His facial expressions, the panicked energy, the double takes, are all classic. I definitely have a black humor and murdering old ladies makes me roll every time.

Favorite Line: " Panama! Let's all go off to Panama!"



The Jerk

What better scenario than Steve Martin believing he was "born a poor black child"? And then to chase the quintessential American Dream and get it only to have it all taken away? Even the cut scenes from the movie are funny. If I could trade spots with some people, Steve Martin would be one of them.

Favorite Line: "The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here!Page 73 - Johnson, Navin R.! I'm somebody now! Millions of people look at this book everyday! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity - your name in print - that makes people. I'm in print! Things are going to start happening to me now."

Rushmore

As much as I love and adore and want to have the babies of Bill Murray, the surprising delight of the film was Jason Schwartzman who was totally fresh and perfect as the schoolboy in love with his teacher. There may be no better musical montage in the history of film making than the revenge scene set to The Who.

Favorite Line: "With friends like you, who needs friends?"

Most Favoritest Songs of 2007

CRITERIA: Most of these came out in 2007 but not all. But these were all songs I discovered this year that blew my mindgrapes. Thanks to all the friends and blogs that kept me aurally fixated. I will make my return to Cochlea known with great gusto and welcome the sweet mixes.

Here's the list. This year I'll figure out how to link songs so people can download them.

A Postcard to Nina -- Jens Lekman
Maple Leaves -- Jens Lekman
The Opposite of Hallelujah -- Jens Lekman

No Cars Go -- The Arcade Fire
Keep the Car Running -- The Arcade Fire

A Nervous Tic Motion of the Head to the Left -- Andrew Bird
Scythian Empire -- Andrew Bird

23 -- Blonde Redhead

My Moon, My Man -- Feist

Murder in Michigan -- David Vandervelde

Queen of the Surface Streets -- DeVotchka

Walcott -- Vampire Weekend

Miss Idaho -- Ox

Pulling our Weight -- The Radio Dept.

Trades & Tariffs -- Dodo Bird
Horny Hippies -- Dodo Bird
Notes -- The Dodos (I think they're the same band)

Bounce That -- Girl Talk

Bird Brain -- The Fiery Furnaces

Up on Crutches -- The Sea and the Cake

Ghost on a Hill -- Tenlons Fort

I am John -- Loney, Dear

Fake Empire -- The National

Challengers -- The New Pornographers
Adventures in Solitude -- The New Pornographers

God Knows -- El Perro del Mar

This Thing About You -- Miracle Fortress

Heat of the Night -- Sean Madigan Hoen

Heimdalsgate Like a Promethean Curse -- Of Montreal

Another Day -- Times New Viking

You're a Wolf -- Seawolf

Heart It Races -- Dr. Dog

And my two favorite albums and favorite songs from those albums:

In Rainbows - Radiohead

Listen to: Jigsaw Falling Into Place

Mastery of the Steel - Witch's Hat

Listen to: Huzzah

New Lists

Reasons Golf Isn't the Greatest Game Ever Played

the physiques of the players
it's like tee ball
all the plays have cute names like "birdie"
you're competing for the lowest score
"in the rough" sounds cool but is actually really lame

Drugs That Didn't Last Long in the Drug Community

Zip
Wowzers!
Nerve Gas II
The Butt Rocket
Golly
Zammers
False Labor
CraSmack
Shiver
The 3 Second High
The Big Awesome
Crack Balls
Whoosh

Alternate Names for Minor League Baseball Teams

Schnectady - Distractions from Our Pathetic Lives
Cheboygan - All We Have Besides Beer and Sex
Peoria - The Only Eligible Guys with Teeth
North Platte - Something to Do Besides Watch Home Improvement

Bad Names for Medical Dramas

Cutting Room
Organ Party!
Guts
Goin' In the Out Holes
Urinology
Stool Pigeons
Tonsil Town (orthodontist drama)

Bad British Translations of American Things

Potato Chips = Salted Roundies
Funnel Cake = Fluffer Snakes
Baseball Cap = Duckhead
Orthodontics = Witchcraft
Republicans = Baby Eaters

Lists (I Totally Stole the Idea From McSweeney's)

Shortest Lived Musicals

Joseph McCarthy: The Man, The Myth, The Musical
The Tony Danza Experience
Tonto's Story
How Things Work: Inside a Musical
The Exxon Valdez
Poop: A Musical Journey
Upton Sinclair's: The Jungle!
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Things That Aren't Foreplay

Battleship
Chili Eating Contests
Band of Brothers
Funerals

Prison Exclamations that Haven't Caught on Yet

Holy Shiv!
Would you like some cheese with your toilet wine?
I'll put you in the Hole on the grounds!

Alternative Job Titles for Black Market Baby Dealers

Infant Redistributors
The Ga-ga Guys
E-Baby
The Stork
Freelance Adoption
Entrepreneurs

Awful One Man Shows

Ivan: A Lipitor Addict
A Medical Slideshow of My Sex Change
The Dangers of Talc
Lubbock!
The Angina Monologues
Confessions of an Allergist
Why I Hated Winning the Lottery
The Secret Life of C++ Programmers
My Struggle with Plaque

Your Time Traveling Imperative

So, some dude shows up at your house, hopefully the guy featured on Darren's page, and says we have to go back in time and kill one band. To you, this scenario seems plausible and fortuitous and you agree to go along. So who do you kill? What band/singer/music artist do you think needs killing?

Here are my choices:

Matchbox 20
Bon Jovi
The Eagles
Faith No More
All 4 One
Dashboard Confessional
Rod Stewart


I extend the courtesy of using my Way Back Machine. Who would you kill?

Songs for Jan and Feb (surprisingly, not a Swedish pop band)

I've been writing a lot this month and I haven't been posting very much. But here's some stuff I've been listening to. As soon as Darren shows me how to post the link to download the songs I'll put them up there for people to grab if they want. Awesome idea, Mister D.


Songs I Loved in January

Separate Planes -- Volunteer Pioneer
Swing Your Heartache -- Young Galaxy
Australia -- The Shins
10:1 -- Rogue Wave
Diamond in the Dark -- Mystery Jets
Various Kitchen Utensils -- Skybox
Black Dirt -- Seawolf
Learning the Lie -- Hidden Cameras
Did I Step on Your Trumpet -- Danielson
Gotta Have You -- The Weepies
The King of Carrot Flowers Pt. 1 -- Neutral Milk Hotel
Bad Education -- Tilly and the Wall
Walk in the Park -- Oh No! Oh My!
Long Distance Call -- Phoenix

Songs So Far in February

Spitting Venom -- Modest Mouse
Let's Call It Off -- Peter, Bjorn, and John
Walcott -- Vampire Weekend
Left at the Party -- The Affair
Heimdalsgate Like a Promethean Curse -- Of Montreal
Wet and Rusting -- Menomena
+81 -- Deerhoof

I'll edit this so people can get these from me once I learn how. And I might add a song or two. I'm in the process of listening to a bunch of new bands. Truth be told most of these are from my two favorite blogs, Gorilla Vs Bear and You Ain't No Picasso which I have links to. Also check out Insound for downloading sweetness. I turn on their radio and listen at least twice a week.

And here's a picture of a pig.





I read an interview with Jason Schwartzman and he said he was looking at cuteoverload.com. I don't care if it's cheesy. If you don't like baby animals, you don't have a soul. I recommend two categories -- "Farm Animals" and "Cute or Sad?"

If I Had a Rock Band

So here's the deal. God knew if had any pipes I'd waste away in go nowhere rock band. That, of course, would lead to an eventual reality check, a horrible on-stage speech announcing my retirement from suck-rock, and end in me throwing myself off Niagara Falls sans barrel. But before that end I would have sung at least all of these songs. These are my top ten songs I'd sing if I had good vocal range and a kick ase rock band behind me.

1. My Doorbell - The White Stripes
2. Rocky Raccoon - The Beatles
3. My Coco - Stellastar*
4. Kissing the Lipless - The Shins
5. Life On Mars - David Bowie
6. Last Night - The Strokes
7. Heart - Doug Martsch
8. I Turn My Camera On - Spoon
9. Phenomena - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
10. Barnacles - Ugly Casanova

And a few guilty pleasures that I'd just have to do:

Pinball Wizard - The Who
You Really Got Me - The Kinks
Mr. Roboto - Styx

All these songs are for me to go crazy on stage. Because that's who I am deep inside. I'm denying my inner lead singer narcissist.

My Top 50 Songs for 2006

So I read through Rolling Stone's top 100 songs of 2006 and I didn't agree. What kind of music elitist jerk would I be if I did? Soooo...I've decided to do 50. Now I'm very lazy and some of you might find that these songs are not from 2006. But I've been listening to them in 2006 and my reality is based on me. They are not in any order of awesomeness because my brain would melt itself from the decision making. Here they are:


The Funeral -- Band of Horses
Anti-Anti -- Snowden
Over and Over -- Hot Chip
Amsterdam -- Peter, Bjorn, and John
Christmas in July -- Sufjan Stevens
Go Lucky -- The Curtains
Roscoe -- Midlake
Things Are What You Make of Them -- Bishop Allen
You Only Live Once -- The Strokes
You Never Got Me Right -- Frida Hyvonen
Mushaboom -- Feist
I Will Follow You into the Dark -- Death Cab For Cutie
All Fires -- Swan Lake
Romo-Goth -- Department of Eagles
The Vice and Virtue Ministry -- The Happy Bullets
Heartbeats -- Jose Gonzalez
Here it Goes Again -- OK GO
The Same Fire -- Bishop Allen
Crazy -- Gnarls Barkley
Young Folks -- Peter, Bjorn, and John
Hollywood Ending -- Hayden
Noah's Ark -- CocoRosie
Star Witness -- Neko Case
1981 -- Adam Arcuragi
Steady As She Goes -- The Raconteurs
Free Radicals -- The Flaming Lips
Phenomena -- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
That Teenage Feeling -- Neko Case
Woman -- Wolfmother
Thursday -- Asobi Seksu
Middle Distance Runner -- Sea Wolf
Home By Saturday -- Hayden
Captain Badass -- Songs Ohia
Gold Lion -- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Stadiums and Shrines II -- Sunset Rubdown
Rough Gem -- The Islands
Liar -- Built to Spill
Feel Good Inc. -- Gorillaz
Skyscrapers -- Detachment Kit
The Greatest -- Cat Power
Crosses -- Jose Gonzalez
Adlai -- Sufjan Stevens
Sing Me Spanish Techno -- The New Pornographers
Oh Mandy -- The Spinto Band
I Turn My Camera On -- Spoon
Marching Bands of Manhattan -- Death Cab for Cutie
I Don't Blame You -- Cat Power
The Crane Wife -- The Decemberists
Save Room -- John Legend
The Monitor -- Bishop Allen


Sure, I'm going to hit myself later and think of others or look at some and think "Really? That one? You like that one?" And of course, I'll realize that some of those I was listening to in '05 or even '04. Oh well. There's probably tons of good music I didn't listen to that I should have. And there's no rap and blah blah blah. I didn't say it comprehensive. This is just some of the stuff I dug last year.

Maybe this year I'll actually start to like TV on the Radio, also. '07 already feels crazy.