When Edie was only six weeks old, she learned how to text. This is the continuing saga of our communication.
EDIE: Pop, are we prepared for a zombie apocalypse?
POP: Holy crap. Who told you about zombies?
EDIE: Another baby. We've been texting. Her dad works for the CDC. So what's up? We got plans?
POP: No. We do not. Because I don't make plans for FICTION.
EDIE: Zombies are real. Bunny told me.
POP: You're trusting a human named Bunny?
EDIE: It's short for Bunnifer, Dad. What's short for my name? E?
POP: Edie. That's short for Edith.
EDIE: EDIE ISN'T MY REAL NAME?!?
POP: They're both your name. You really didn't know this?
EDIE: My life is a lie! Everything I know is built upon a foundation of doo-doo!
POP: Stop being so dramatic. Your Mom and I aren't those freaks who name their kids nicknames like Cathy or Joey.
EDIE: My friends Cathy and Joey would cry buckets if they heard that!
POP: Well, their parents suck. And so do Bunny's parents.
EDIE: That's terrible. Bunny's mom is dead.
POP: I'm sorry. I didn't know.
EDIE: She was killed by a zombie.
POP: Oh, shut up. I'm busy. Stop texting me nonsense.
EDIE: And then she turned into a zombie and Bunny's dad had to put her down. It's very romantic.
POP: There's no such thing as zombies! Bunny is lying to you. Wait. Are you sure this is another baby?
EDIE: You never let me have any friends!
POP: I'm trying to protect you from weirdos! Maybe Bunny is actually a black market baby stealer. If not, I just need to protect you from friends with stupid names!
EDIE: Why don't you protect me from zombies first?
POP: Why don't I protect us from everything fictional? Because do you know what's more terrifying than zombies? Unicorns.
EDIE: Eek. What's a unicorn?
POP: It's an all white horse. White as a dead man's finger bone. But you'll know it by the huge glistening spike sticking from its forehead. And it's pissed at all mankind because when there was a great flood, Noah forgot it. And it tread water for over a year, cursing all humans, waiting for revenge.
POP: The unicorn only has a few weaknesses. Bedtime stories, gatling guns, and meatball subs.
EDIE: We need to get some of those. I don't want to get spiked.
POP: Your mom will be mad but I'll take one for the team. I'll order a protective meatball sub right now.
EDIE: Thanks, Pop. Now in case the zombies are riding the unicorns, how many shotguns do we have?
POP: Enough. I even got you a little baby shotgun.
EDIE: You're the best. Hey, Bunny wants to know what time you and Mom sleep and what's the easiest point of access to our apartment.
POP: I'm calling the cops.
EDIE: What should I tell her? The fire escape? Could we leave the door open?
This is a very beautiful and cool picture
ReplyDeleteHigh School Diploma
Edie only learned how to text when she was 6 weeks old? Pretty sure my fetus ALREADY knows how to text with his kicks and punches from inside the womb. Yeah, my kid is THAT talented.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of killing zombies... you should check out this list. My favorite is drop an Egyptian obelisk on them. Not a problem for me because I'm an Egyption obelisk hoarder. http://voices.yahoo.com/how-kill-zombie-ten-best-ways-kill-zombie-4740282.html?cat=2