Strange Dreams: Part Deux

I had this dream while I was in North Carolina. I blame it on the air mattress that Annie and Ben Howington gave us to sleep on. Something about the shifting nature of that bed produced successive nights of odd fantasy.

In this dream, I was at a book signing. My own. Obviously, I think very highly of myself in dreams. As I was finishing up and packing up my stuff, Neil Patrick Harris walked to the table and held out a book for me to sign. (Neil Patrick Harris was Doogie Howser in case you don't know.) I signed the book and he asked what I was doing tonight. I said "Nothing" so he said we should hang out and he'd show us around to some secret places in New York City. By the way, my book signings are so cool that Valerie, Annie and Ben Howington, and Christian Busath were all there.

So I said "Sure" and we walked outside. As were going outside, we ran into Brad Pitt. He was carrying a lot of shopping bags and said he was sorry he missed my book signing. (Obviously, I think VERY HIGHLY of myself.) Brad Pitt asked where we were going, and Neil Patrick Harris responded that we were going to a 'Secret Club' only a hundred people know about. Brad Pitt said "Cool, I'll tag along". Neil Patrick Harris did not seem pleased.
At the club, we all squeezed into a tiny private room with black couches lining the walls. Neil started trying to impress us with all the things he'd done the last year. He said, "See this suit? This Italian designer made it by hand and nobody knows him because he lives up in a mountain in Italy and makes one suit a year." Everyone acted really impressed. Except for Brad Pitt.

Instead, Brad Pitt got up and went to the next room with his shopping bags. When he came back, he was wearing a very short red leather jacket with matching red leather ten gallon hat. He then started to pontificate about "how this was the real Brad Pitt, none of this conforming crap for him anymore, he was going to wear what he really felt." We all acted impressed. Christian tried on the hat and promised to get one.

But then Neil Patrick Harris jumped in with "Well, check out my tie. It's sheepskin I watched them skin the sheep to make it." Again, we tried to act impressed but there started to be a weird tension in the room. Suddenly, Brad announced that his Limo SUV was going to pick us up. We all went outside and got into the biggest SUV ever. Brad insisted we ride on top where there was a railing. He took us through Times Square. Neil acted really bored the whole time.

Suddenly, Neil said, "Who am I?" He made a blank face and said, "I'm so stoic and I love peanut butter. Oh, I'm Joe Black." To this, Brad Pitt said, "Oh, I've got an impression, too." He put on an imaginary coat and stood very straight, "I'm 15 but I'm a doctor. I'm so smart and this is soooo believable. Oh wait, I'm Doogie Howser."

This pissed off Neil Patrick Harris even more and they started to have an impression contest. All of us got really uncomfortable and Ben started intimating that we should jump off at the next red light. Neil Patrick Harris was doing tons of Brad Pitt characters like Tyler Durden, Achilles, and the Twelve Monkeys guy but Brad only kept doing Doogie Howser which made Neil Patrick Harris even madder. Finally, Neil said he wanted to leave but Brad instead put on the hydraulics for his limo and everyone had to hold onto the railing.