Sappy Anniversary!

Ok, so I joked with Val about doing it and now it's happening. I'm doing an anniversary post. Valerie and I have been married four years now. Today was the very day we went through with it. This post will be modeled after all those other shameless posts where people show off a bunch of cute pictures of themselves being cute together.

There's three I want to make fun of:

1st-The Super Love Post

Val and I love each other WAY MORE than anyone ever anywhere. We have the way bestest time and it's like we wrote the BOOK ON MARRIAGE. (We are writing one actually that we will send back in time for all you saps.)

We have LOVE TIMES INFINITY. If we had more love than this (which we could) then we would explode like an overripe love tomato. We try to pass our love along to other people (like in this picture here) so they can get just a tiny taste of this boom sauce.

Some people finish each other's sentences, we finish each other's paragraphs. Sometimes, Val knows what I'm thinking so much that she'll just look at me and it's like we're telepathic. Sometimes we're so into each other, we make out in our minds. Too much? Nuh-uh. Not when you got mad love like this.

2nd - The Self Questionnaire by the Sickeningly Sweet Interviewer

Where did you meet?

In a dream we both shared. I was a werewolf with a robot arm working a boring desk job and Valerie was a four legged superheroine that was having a pension dispute with the Justice League. The rest of the dream is so obvious, I'll save you the story.

Was it love at first sight?

I don't understand the question. It was a dream. Our eyes were closed.

When did you guys know?

What? Know what? Are you messing with me?

Do you think you're still in the Honeymoon period?

I don't know what that is! I'm leaving!

Do you have your kids' names picked out?

(from far away) Go back to US Weekly or wherever you're from! You suck!


3 - The Uber Boring How We Met Story With Way Too Many Inconsequential Details

Valerie and I had some friends who blah blah blah and there was a mutual guy who yak yak info info and we were all like smoochy smooch and holdy hands and there was a full moon out and a car lasfosnfonsfnsdnfpndsgfnsadogfsdnfnsdfs and our friends were like "NO WAY" and we were like "BLAH BLAH" and then Valerie saved my life from a dinosaur warrior sent from the past who had come to kill (INTERESTING SIDE NOTE) and I knew if she would do that for me then ----very personal lovey dovey you are so much more specialer than anyother person who livedbreathedpooped--- and so we decided to get married and everyone was like "HEY" and "YES" and we were like "I DON'T KNOW" and "SURE" and "STOP SAYING GROSS THINGS" and wenttothetempleanditwasscaryascrapbutwedidit (HA HA AH HA HA HA AHA the band HA HA) and now we're here in New York and things rule. Most of the time. Just like anybody. CHEESY ENDING lovelovebleeeeccchhh.



4 - Here's the real story. Val and I are happy. And I'm having the best time of my life. And I don't believe in soul mates but I believe some things can just fit. I took this picture of her in Brooklyn Botanical Gardens yesterday. On top of everything else spectacular, she's beautiful.