So I've been eagerly awaiting Oct 21. It used to be the day the Large Hadron Collider or LHC completed The Test. The mini Big Bang. If any of you have been reading Joe's blog, there's some concerns out in the scientific community about what will happen. The main concern is that it will open a tiny black hole.
And according to Hawking, that's where time travel can occur. Some scientists are saying that once that blackhole opens, it will be officially "YEAR ZERO" according to time travel and people from the future can visit us because we suddenly have the technology. If any of you have seen Star Trek 4 or Back to the Future you can see how tricky future technology is on the past.
Of course, there's tons of argument about this and a lots of scientists are crying "Hooey" (only scientists retain use of that word nowadays) but I've decided I believe it. Because I know who's going to step out of that Time Portal when it opens up.
Me.That's right. I've decided that I am Earth's perfect Ambassador to the Past. Let's go over my qualifications.
1. I'll be really rich. Stuff is probably cheaper in the past. And when I come back with all my future money I'll be way richer. Rich people get respect.
2. I'm really cool. And scientists are all nerds, so when I step through that portal and start high fiving dudes, they will immediately accept me.
3. I love myself. So when I come back, Past Me will totally vouch for Future Me. And that will put the nations of the world at ease.
4. I'll bring presents. And who doesn't want Future Stuff?
5. I'm photogenic. Because there's gonna be lots of pictures of me and I'll probably get endorsement deals, too. I'll be on TV saying stuff like, "Man, this new Chili Cheese Burrito from Taco Bell tastes better than...THE FUTURE!"
6. I'll be an agent of peace. I'll tell the World Leaders outrageous lies like "In the future, we all
killed each other with Laser Bombs and now we're living like Mad Maxes. You've gotta stop fighting or we'll all be lasered!" And then everyone will. And I will get a Nobel Prize.7. I'll wear my pockets hanging out of my jeans. So everyone will know that Back to the Future II was actually a documentary and we can all be stoked that hover boards are on their way.
8. I tell funny stories. I'll be on the Late Night Circuit telling far out stories about how we all have replaceable heads and we can eat whatever we want without getting fat and Regis Philbin is our President.
The confusing parts about coming back to the past will occur at home. What if Future Me is more attractive to Valerie than Past Me? Because he's going to be more famous and probably less of a rube. Is it cheating if we have the same DNA?
The best parts will be that I get to hang out with myself. I think I'm hilarious! Past Me and Future Me will like the same movies, play video games together, get matching tattoos of the Rebellion symbol, and eat lots of ice cream. We can trade clothes. I can mooch off Future Me and he won't even care because it's just benefitting himself!
But they've postponed this happy day until Spring 2009. It's such torture. I can't wait to meet Me!
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9 comments:
You're right... after reading through your qualifications me (and a team of experts) decided that you are the perfect ambassador. I'm only hoping that future you will deign to give your friends and family some free chili cheese burritos, because they sound good.
Wouldn't getting tattoos together be retarded, bc it would just have to be you getting one, and then it would show up on your "future self's arm" , and also in a realistic sense would never happen bc you are a sissy to pain. I did though like the idea that you would be advertising for taco bell, bc it is true in the future there will only be Taco Bell(watch Demolition man for reference), which would add to your documentaries list.
Ah, the complexities of time once again boggles me! Of course, you're right! That tattoo would appear like magic on his arm before my eyes!
Yes, Demolition Man is another documentary. I keep wondering why more Rocky and Rambo and no more Demo? Wesley Snipes could use the work.
two of you gadding about the earth, promoting burritos and peace-love shenanigans?
don't threaten me with your dimensional anomalies.
What about the fact that future you really is much cooler than past you? (I think Val can take credit here.) Aren't you afraid of future you giving past you an insecurity complex thereby influencing the outcome for future you?
Would I know the girl sitting on your lap in the picture?
OK, as one who is content to watch you zip through the Collider hole (I'm fascinated with this thing. It's like trying to retrace the tracks of God, and I can't believe they postponed it), are you going into the past or the future? 'Cause if you're going to the past, would you bring me that Appaloosa Stud horse that Marlon Brando rode in said movie? Remember? the movie starts out with Brando riding through a river, and the sun is shining down on that roan-spotted, powerful hindquarters? (Not Brando's--the Appy's hindquarters) And the young Mexican boy is running toward him? Never mind. We'll dig the movie out of DI when you come and visit. It's a classic. But, also, if you have room, can you grab me some salt water taffy? Oh, and a real Navajo saddle blanket?
Navajo blanket?!! James, bring me back PIRATE TREASURE! Or if you're going to the future, bring me back PIRATE TREASURE! And a hover board.
Also, cheers, kudos, karma, gold star and a cherry on top for wanting to reinforce the inside-out pocket fad. Hahahaha, I really think we should all make a sacred vow RIGHT NOW that in 15 years, we all just start that trend up. We owe it to Michael J. Fox. I can't believe I haven't commented on this post yet. I dreamed that I did. And then I woke up and thought the whole thing wasn't real until there was Marty and the Doc lego action figures right there proving the whole thing. I loved this post. Also, Sharon just wrote all about you in the comments of my latest post. Just so you know. haha
I'd like to just say one thing. Star Trek 4 is the best out of all the Star Trek movies. Yeah, better than "Wrath of Khan." Voyage Home is like one of my favorite movies EVER.
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