Non-Catholics Can Celebrate Lent, Too

I think Lent is a great idea.  I'm not Catholic and so I'm sort of band wagonning on this holiday.  But a forty day fast from something?  Brilliant.  It's like my Jewish friends who celebrate Christmas.  They don't believe in Christ but the other side of it, the tree and the presents and Santa Claus, is so pagan anyway, everyone should get in on that.  So here's my lent list.

FOR LENT I'VE GIVEN UP:

Non-diet sodas (so sodas that don't taste like tires)
Buying time pieces
The nickname "Hooch"
Checking my math out loud
Complaining about my weight (broken it)
Making taquitos
Acknowledging the firemen next door when they ask, "Hey, James. You got any of those taquitos?"
Not being a flight risk
Wonder
My Mr. Belvedere novel
Spear fishing
Spear hunting
Spear working
Humming 'Wonderwall' in public until it becomes a brain fever among the populace
Aquasocks
Participating in pyramid schemes
Participating in human pyramids (broken it)
Hitting on telemarketers
Setting up fruit bowls for spontaneous still life painting
Being mad at Valerie for throwing away my rotting fruit
Pirate movie marathons
Breaking my own pitching records
Being ashamed that I say the word "boss" as in "That's boss."
Gun safety
Shooping
iCarly fan fiction
My racism towards cows
Harboring known fugitives (I will only harbor unknown)
The metric system
Believing in Grover Cleveland