6 Boring Facts About Me

Here's some crap you may not know about me:

1.  I ALWAYS CARRY GUM AND A PEN

Can't leave the house without it.  I forgot my phone at home today.  I forgot my ID badge for work the day before.  But I currently have one and a half packs of Orbit Peppermint Gum (half pack on my desk, full in my bag) and three pens: black and green in my bag, blue in my right pocket.  And I know where my pens and gum are at all times.  I have sonar on them.  And I can always tell you how many pieces of gum I have.

2.  MY LEFT ARM SOCKET IS LOOSE

I pulled my arm out of the socket (I think) when I was a kid when I fell out of a tree.  My wrist caught between two tree branches and I felt a tug on my arm socket that hurt like the holy craps. Then I twisted free and landed on it and felt a pop (I barely remember this) and then I cried a lot.  But ever since, my arm has been loose and I can pop it out pretty far.  You can put your hand in there if you want next time you see me.

3.  I'VE NEVER SEEN THESE MOVIES

This list is about to get embarrassing:  Citizen Kane, Casablanca, Time Bandits, Godfather II or III (and barely Godfather if we're being honest), Raging Bull, anything by Fellini or Jarmusch, A Streetcar Named Desire, American Psycho, Silence of the Lambs, The Deerhunter, and not a single one of the Scary Movie franchise. 

4.  MY SMELLER IS BROKE

Yeah, my nose is pretty much useless.  Valerie is always talking about things she smells, whether they be amazing or gross and I can’t smell much beyond the strong smelling stuff.  Luckily, fresh laundry and baking cookies are in the nose range.  Unfortunately, so is summer-cooked garbage.

5.  MY SENSE OF DIRECTION AIN’T BROKE

If you put me in a town for a day, I’ll probably have it figured out pretty quickly.  I don’t get lost that much.  Now I do rely on GPS initially and Boston is murder for figuring out where you’re going.  But I really have an actual map in my head that I keep track of where I’m going.  If I’m going somewhere, I’ll just stare at the map until I have it memorized and then 9 times out of 10, I get there.

6.  I HATE SHOWERING IN FRONT OF OTHER GUYS

Yep. I hate gyms.  I will go to any length to not shower in front of other dudes. Like case in point.  My work has a gym and locker room.

Yeah, it has arcade games, too.  Suck it, haters.

And I decided to go for a lunchtime run, something people do here.  Afterwards I stayed very dressed until people left the locker room and then when I went to go take a shower, I stripped outside of it (coast clear) and laid my clothes and towel on a bench. 

Felt good. Non-awkward. 

Until I reached for my towel and it fell apart. Into two hand towels.

After trying to tie them into a bigger towel, I gave up.  So then I had no choice but to walk past two dudes with two hand towels mashed over my nakeds.  Like a man sandwich.

Yep.  I can’t look at those guys again.  Hopefully, they’re in accounting.  I never talk to that department.