If I had a clone while I was in college, this is what I imagine my day would have been like:
I wake up. My clone is already grabbing a bowl of cereal. I comment, “We’re getting low on cereal.” We both laugh. No, we aren’t. We have twenty six boxes. We think we’re hilarious.
I’m taking a shower and humming a song. I yell for James 2 to tell me the name of the song I’m singing. He googles it because both of our memories suck. He asks me how to beat the level of Resident Evil he’s playing. When I get out of the shower, we high five. We’re the same!
We go to the same British Lit class. I make a very astute comment about Victorian England being transported to America. James 2 follows up my comment with some further brilliance. We nod at each other appreciatively. Everyone in class hates our collective us.
We hang out in the library. James 2 starts talking to this girl who I’m attracted to as well. But no love lost. In fact, I go over and laugh at his jokes and tell her how awesome he is. They plan to get together later. I imagine myself as him making out with her.
Lunch time! Off to Wendy’s to get 2 orders of the Number 6 combo medium sized with Cokes to drink. We talk about how cool it would be if Star Wars Episode 7 ever happened. But only if George Lucas died first.
We go to the same Political Science class. Some jerkhole won’t stop running his mouth about how this country is going to turn communist any day now. James 2 and I roll our eyes at each other and each draw this guy dying in weird ways. Our drawings suck because we both suck at drawing.
Nerding out time! We both eat sour straws and play some Halo together. We hate playing against each other. Because we’re so evenly matched. So we just play co-op games all the time. Then we go to a comic book store together. Because we’re not brave enough to go alone but together seems less pathetic.
We’re both reading books for different classes tomorrow. We wanted to take Philosophy and Sociology but then we remembered we’re clones and no one is the wiser. We alternate weeks. We get to experience both classes and fail them both because we’re not there on consecutive weeks.
6: 40 PM
James 2 and I go thrift shopping. This has many benefits. There’s a second opinion which is really just one opinion. He can try on stuff and I can see it on me and vice versa. And we get to borrow from each other and it’s not girly because it’s just us which is two of me.
James 2 is totally sucking face on the couch with that girl he met. I’m in my room writing some play for my playwriting class. I daydream about that girl. I wonder if sneaking a peek is voyeuristic or just like seeing a parallel universe. I decide to write my play about that.
James 2 walks the girl out to the car. He says goodbye. I watch him from the window. I’m impressed at how suave I am. A car hits James 2. I now know what my body would look like crumpled over a windshield. I faint.
James 2 is going to pull through. He lost a lot of blood but luckily I have the kind he needs. I give it freely.
My clone is real tired. Getting hit by a car is a hard day. I move his Big Gulp out of his hand and put it on his medical tray. We can nod off anywhere. That’s a gift both of us share. I fall asleep looking at myself sleep.