Things To Remember

I don’t keep a journal very well.  I never have.  What you’re seeing on my blog is what is in my journals.  Random crap.  Some confessions.  Nicknames for Non-Intimidating Gunslingers.

If anyone ever reads my journals, they will either understand nothing about me or everything.  They’ll know that I didn’t care about minutiae or collecting or wanting more.  The only thing I’ve ever really cared about is creating things.  That’s when life makes the most sense to me.  When I’m in the middle of putting something into being.

Edie is different because we didn’t create her.  She’s a soul our Father in Heaven loaned to us.  We provided her a body and a stable place to grow up.  And a lot of books and treats.  We’re always good for those. 

We’re just creating the world around her. She’s lucky our genetic grab bag made her so cute.  She could have had my caveman feet and broad shoulders. Instead she got my eyes and Valerie’s chin and Valerie’s nose and some random gene’s blond hair.  Her fat legs might be from me.

But I need to remember things.  Need to capture a few moments.  And I have with pictures.  But what about the words she knows right now?  This is the downside of not keeping a regular journal.  I’m not recording the day to day things.

Right now at 19 Months Edie can say:

Guck (Duck)

Eye

Nose

Rain or Raining

Wind or Windy

Up or Uppy

Happy

Cool

Whoa or Whoooooa!

Hand

Block

Rock

Cup

Coat

Cake

Pud-ding

Treat

Mommy

Da Da

Tree

Hat

Kids

Baby

Teeth

Snoo (Snow)

Why (Wall)

Ball

Sy (Sky)

Moan (Moon)

Tuh-ruck

Cah (Car)

Train

Suh-wing (Swing)

Bug

Book

  

Of course, I’m forgetting some.  She picks up new words every day.  It’s very gratifying.  To be able to help with a person’s development, to see results.  Can you believe I kind of barely liked babies about two years ago?  I’ve always thought kids were cool.  But babies? Blah.  Hand me a sack of flour with a face drawn on it.

Stupid dad instincts and all the stupid feelings that opened up inside of me.  Le sigh.  I guess my indifferent tough guy days are over.  Oh wait.  I was never tough.

I want to remember this step.  Not because “it’s going too fast”.  It’s not.  I don’t pine for the past.  I like new better than old.  I order new things at restaurants.  I hate trying to recreate the thing before.  It’s not possible.  Get over it.

I won’t try to recreate my childhood for Edie.  This is her childhood.  Whatever is created is what she’ll be nostalgic for.  Whether I raise her in New York or Michigan or London or on a planet made of candy, that’s what she’ll love.  That’s what she’ll think childhood should be.

For Edie, for Valerie, for any future spirit loaners, I just want to create memories worth having.