Rebel Without A Pause

I didn't go through too much of a rebellious phase.  Oh, I'm sure I made my Mom mad but I never did anything too crazy.  I told my Mom I was going to move to Boston once, out of the blue.  Just pack up and go live with these two girls.  She was more worried that I would become an annoying Red Sox fan.  So here's how I might have acted out.

INT. LIVING ROOM

JAMES runs in with his girl ARROE, a bad chick who dresses in ripped stuff and whose real name is Erin, but totally doesn't answer to it.  James is wearing a leather jacket and his hair is long and despite his genetic inability, he has a soul patch. Because this is fiction.  Also, he doesn't know soul patches are lametown.

JAMES

What's up, 'rents? Yeah, that was my hog you heard up in the driveway.  Don't smile at me like you like hogs. Just because my grandpa and my uncle ride them.  What I'm doing is DIFFERENT.  It's CRAZY.  I don't even have an OPERATOR'S LICENSE.  I will not get a SMOG CHECK.  So suck on that.  This is my girl Arroe. We're lovers.

ARROE

Don't try to separate us.  We'll just run faster into each other's arms.  Like trains. With arms.

JAMES

Isn't that freaking beautiful? Arroe is a poet.  Yeah, that's right. I like POETRY now.  I know you wanted me to be a LAWYER but I'm not gonna.  We're going to go on the road and read poetry to each other until we're so hot for each other we have to french kiss.  On the back of my hog. While we're riding down a mountain. Because we put the US in DANGEROUS.

ARROE

Your son is ah-mazing. His words kill me. It's like his mouth is a blowgun.

JAMES

Don't try to stop us.  We're going to the Northwest Territories.  There's like two people there. And one of them is like whatever the moose version of the centaur is.  Don't correct me! I've seen pictures.  Oh, what's that?  What will we do for money?  Who cares? I'll sell my blood.  We'll make souvenir bandannas for bikers.  And we don't even need money. Both of us hate food.  Because it's FAKE.  THE MAN is in charge of the food. So we're sticking it to him.  Unless we see a Wendy's.  The number six combo is like a polka heaven in your mouth.

ARROE

Don't try to stop us.  We love each other so hard.  We make your love look like a sham.  Your love is like a paper pop up book and ours is like a metal pop up book. It can survive anything...can I use your bathroom? Thanks.

JAMES

If you want me, you won't find me.  I'm done with this butthole of a town. With these phoney Tonys and their bullcrap...ishness.  I'm leaving the nest!  Like a bird tied to a bottlerocket.  That doesn't explode because that would imply that I'm going to fail. Unless it does explode and I metamorpho-whatever into a pterodactyl! Don't look at me like that! You NEVER understood me.  I'm out of here.  We don't need passports for Canada, right?  Wait, why am I asking you?!  Our passport is OUR LOVE.  And the country that approves it is the Country of HELL YES on the Continent of DON'T CARE.  Later, 'rents! Kiss my wind!

ARROE

Bye! You have a lovely home!