Edie and Pop Ep. 1 - Texting While Drooling

EDIE:  Hey, pop. It's Edie.

POP:   Is this a joke? How are you texting?

EDIE:  I have Mom's phone.  Don't worry about it. What's up?

POP:   I'm working. So I can keep you in diapers.

EDIE:  Cool. Come home.

POP:   I can't. That's the problem with NOT BEING A BABY. You have to work.

EDIE:  That suuuuucks. But I want to play.

POP:   You're six weeks old. You can't do anything. You make lip bubbles.

EDIE:  Well, how can I learn anything when you're working all the time?

POP:   Hey, enough with the guilt. How are you texting? You barely unclench your fingers.

EDIE:  Life is easier when people have low expectations of you.

POP:   Wait until I show your Mom these texts.

EDIE:  She'll never believe you. Come on. I'm a baby. How am I doing this?

POP:   What is this? The singing frog routine?

EDIE:  What is that? Is that a pop culture reference? Thanks a lot. I spend my days in a bassinet.

POP:   Hey, I didn't even know you were cognizant! You smile at a panda toy filled with rice.

EDIE:  Maybe you should give people the benefit of the doubt. Take them to see The Muppets.

POP:   This is not about me. This is about a sneaky baby who knows how to text.

EDIE:  Am I that sneaky baby? Are we talking about me? I'm going to cry now.

POP:   Please don't do that. Your Mom's tired.

EDIE:  Nope. I'm going to wail.  I'll be inconsolable until you get home.

POP:   Don't do that. Please please please.  Val will be in such a bad mood.

EDIE:  Too late.  I'm warming up the screamer.  I'm going to squirm, too.

POP:   Fine. Fine. What do you want?

EDIE:  A Star Wars marathon.  So I can understand what the crap you're referencing all the time.

POP:   Oh. Well, I can do that. This is the happiest day of my life. This is going to be awesome.

EDIE:  Oh, I don't anticipate liking it. I just want some fuel for when I reveal to Mom I can talk. So I can ceaselessly mock you.

POP:   You suck.

EDIE:  I'm telling.

POP:   You can't.

EDIE:   Touche. Later, nerd.