POP: Are you texting me again? How did you get your Mom's phone AGAIN?
EDIE: Oh, she left it in the crib when I started holding it and cooing. She's such a sucker. Where are you?
POP: I'm at my desk. I'm literally 15 feet from you.
EDIE: Oh, thanks for rubbing it in. I'm practically blind with my newborn eyes. I can barely see the magic light rectangles.
POP: Those are windows.
EDIE: What are windows?
POP: The rectangles. The blurry light shapes you're seeing are windows.
EDIE: I made THAT connection, Pop. But what the crap are windows?
POP: Oh. When we build houses we put holes in them and fill them with glass so we can get light and air.
EDIE: Ooooh, I like those things. What's glass?
POP: It's a clear substance made from super heating sand. We use it for windows and drinking glasses.
EDIE: Hold on. Didn't Mom cut her hand on one of those drinking things? Is this glass stuff stable?
POP: Well, yeah. Sort of. Just don't throw stuff at it. Or subject it to hurricanes.
EDIE: This stuff breaks?! And you've got a giant rectangle of it over me?!?!
POP: It's not like that. You're totally safe. Barring freak accidents. Gunshots.
EDIE: This is bullcrap! If I could walk or call Social Services, you'd be going to jail, mister!
POP: We put you by the window so you could enjoy the light and air...
EDIE: and be severed by the giant clear razor raining down on my tender little frame!
POP: Do you want to move to my side of the bed? So your Mom would have to GET OUT OF BED in the MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING NIGHT to give you your LIFE SUSTAINING FOOD?!
EDIE: Geez, Pop. I get it. You love her or something gross. That was adequately punctuated by you putting your angry face in my non-blurry babyview.
POP: Where did you put her phone? I couldn't find it in your bassinet.
EDIE: You don't even want to know.
POP: Oh, come on. I really try to keep my humor above poop jokes.
EDIE: Have you seen the muscle mass of my arms? How could I maneuver anything as heavy as a phone into the airtight seal you make at my waste with paper and tape?
POP: I am pretty handy with a diaper. Where's the phone?
EDIE: I threw it at that glass stuff. To teach you a lesson.
POP: The window is open!
EDIE: What does that mean?
POP: There was no glass between you and the street! Holy crap. I have to go.
EDIE: I can fall into the street?!?!
LOL! You pretty much have this parenting thing down pat. Add a few Why?'s and you've got parenthood with a 3 year old. Some of my favorites from Ben's youth - Mom, how do they make a building? Mom, how do they make a street?....... And the glass thing - Edie's right. We pulled out huge glass shards (that were sunk 3 inches into Janelle's bed) after the tornado. You're welcome for that :)
ReplyDeleteLOL! In CA they tell you not to place a bed under the windows because they give during earthquakes.....didn't NYC experience one before Edie was born?.....you might want to keep that news from her :)
ReplyDeletefool! how could the phone be in the street? she is still texting you!
ReplyDeleteJac, she tricks me so easily. It's not my fault. I'm too concerned with parenting. I'm a sap. A rube.
ReplyDelete