Romance Novel Excerpt #2 - Introducing Dexter McChest

I've decided to write a romance novel on my blog.  To read the glorious first chapter, the link is below.

Romance Novel Excerpt #1 - Introducing Vanessa Lonelyheart

I hope you are feeling whatever feelings you are supposed to feel as you read a romance novel.  If I read them, I imagine I would feel patriotic and fevery.

THE HEART IS THE LONELIEST DUDE RANCH

Excerpt from Chapter 2

Dexter McChest was a man with a purpose.  When he walked, he only walked in straight lines. Purpose lines.  When he talked, his words came out of his mouth like bullets aimed at your brain.  And purportedly, when he made love, he did it with purpose. Just not the purpose of procreation.

And now he ran to Vanessa. Ran to her like a shirtless lion ready to pounce on her and ravage her with his beautifully whitened fangs.  Her whole body felt like a meal. She was so breathless at him running. Running forever. The world slowed down to just heartbeats and boot beats. Just her meal body and his purposeful gallop. What kind of world was this that brought them back together? When would he get to her? Why was this taking so long?  It's literally barely a 100 feet from the Jeep.  Why did he park so far away?  Why did time feel like molasses? And then it struck her mind.

"When you're in love, Einstein's theory of relativity is definitely correct," she thought.

And just as she thought it, there he was. All 6'4" of him next to her like a flesh statue.  How did he smell like that? Like leather and vanilla all mixed up with a hint of bbq sauce.  And when would he speak?  What would they say?  They hadn't spoken in 7 years.  She was eye level with his nipples which were like two copper pennies burned into a muscular suede couch.  And then he reached down and put his hand underneath her chin.  He lifted her beautiful face which had been on the cover of Vanity Fair a couple of times as favors to a friend and said the four most beautiful words ever spoken.

"Come to my Jeep."

Then he grabbed her hand and led her down the stairs like to a metal bridal bed.  She watched the muscles play under his back.  Like two sea otters swimming under a skin sea.  Where were they going?  Was he still mad at her?  Why did his hand feel so amazing? Does he have a girlfriend?  Should I wear a coat?

When they got to the Jeep, he turned to Vanessa.  His eyes were grave and he put his beautiful hands on her shoulders.

"Vanessa, there's a mama cow having a baby up on Lovers Ridge," he said with a scottish brogue flavored with a Texas drawl because he was an exiled Scottish Prince before he became the head ranch hand. "I can do most things in this life alone.  God gave me the tools.  But today I need some help.  Can you be my partner, Vanessa?"

When he said partner, her heart became a Chinese New Year's.  And just like China, it sent troops to other countries like Logic and Reason to oppress them and keep them under the law of the heart.  The Heart was the only thing listening as they drove towards destiny.

COMING SOON: Chapter 3 "Lovers Ridge"