Cleanup After an Alien Apocalypse

Forget it, Hector.  I'm over it.  Screw humanity.  The Great Brotherhood is a joke.  I've been cleaning up alien gut goo the whole damn day!  Look at my clothes.  Is the Re-United Nations going to foot the bill for my Osh Koshes? Well, I B'Gosh betcha they won't.  They'll thank me for pitching in while they float over us in their newly commandeered mother ships.  Can you see my middle finger from that height, New Leaders?

I'm serious.  Do not pick up one more tentacle.  There used to be a system.  Money used to mean something.  A hard day's work shoveling abdomens into a pickup meant a paycheck.  Not 'good will points' for the 'rebuilding of our proud race'.  I want cervesa money.  I want to get blitzed in a backwater bar and forget my family got vaporized.  You hear me, Proud Race?  You owe me a bender!

Yes, Hector.  I'm yelling at the sky a lot.  Why? Because that's where all the problems came from.  A big wide open sky.  No fences to keep out those aliens.  Where were their fences?  They board up the whole Rio Grande against their own race and they just leave the back door open for the space uggos.  Look at these spiny freakjobs.  How this race reproduces is a mystery to me. Because reproduction is based on finding your mate attractive.  Their faces look like elephant afterbirth.  Maybe they were all dudes.  And they weren't trying to conquer us, they were just trying to show off to hot human ladies.  That's how I got mi esposa.  Before she got shredded.

You know what?  I'm not even going turn in that alien gun we found today.  Nope.  That's mine.  What did it shoot?  Nitrogen lasers?  Well, I can't wait to try that on some cats in my hood.  Because do you know what those alien dummies were really bad at shooting?  Domestic animals.  They are freaking everywhere.  I'll be a high tech exterminator.  Freeze lasering every stray.  The kids will love breaking animals with hammers.  I'll be a neighborhood hero.

Let's go get our rations, Hector.  I'm sorry.  I just lost so much in the alien war.  Sometimes I can't hold it in.  Maybe I can get on one of those spaceship cleaning crews.  See the Solar System.  I think I'm just having a mid-life crisis.  Hand me that Nitrogen Laser.  I see two cats doing it.