Today I'm suffering a little creative withdrawal. This is not a new phenomenon for me. I usually dip when I finish a project or even a major leg of it. We had a recording session for The Pine Barons, an animation project I'm working on. I spent so much effort writing the episodes, editing the episodes, rehearsing, organizing table reads and schedules, setting up the space, motivating even when I'm unmotivated, just getting it all together. And I'm drained. Just hollowed out.
And we haven't even started animating it. Haven't even gotten to the hard part of it.
You would think that a creative endeavor finished would bring a sense of accomplishment. A relaxing of the brain. But instead it feels like getting off a drug. My mind cycles down into a lower RPM and I miss the speed. I want that much energy back in my life. I need it.
Someone asked me once, "What would you do if didn't write?" And I didn't know how to answer. Because there isn't anything else. There isn't me without these buttresses. At this point, I don't know if I've always been this or I've replaced every stone until I became this.
I recently taught a writing class and this girl was asking me how I write everyday. I wanted to ask, "How do you not?"
So this project is done. Partly. And now I just move the train forward. Start unloading the next car. I have ideas stretching back into some vanishing point in my subconscious. If there's such a thing as Writer's Block, I've never seen it. I told this writing class: Just write something else. The brain is a limitless machine.
This is why I don't write my feelings. I feel it gets weird or preachy. Thanks for indulging me. Back to silly stuff. Maybe once I get a few things in place, you'll find some poetry on here again. That's a quiet room I'd like to sit in again.
I'm hoping you find rejuvenation soon. That quiet room needs its old occupant.
ReplyDeleteI heard a music teacher once say "If you cannot imagine going a single day in your life without music then you can become a music major." Apparently it applies to writers too.
ReplyDeletethat's funny. i struggle to write something without including feelings!
ReplyDeleteBonnie,
ReplyDeleteWhen I get done with this summer of scripts, it's going to be a fall of versification.
Julie,
I've heard similar advice and though no one ever said it to me directly, I think it's a good star to steer by.
Rachel,
ReplyDeleteI used to think that comedy was an escape for me. That I wasn't really dealing with things while I wrote comedy. Because it's such a head game. But then I heard a lot of comedians talk about how comedy is both the therapy and the escape. It's made me reassess.
I don't think we ever write anything without our feelings woven in.
I'd like to sit in that quiet room again too. Love your poetry!
ReplyDeleteThis post actually reminds me how much I have given up in giving up writing. I miss it and need to do more of it. It won't be easier once I throw a kid into the mix!