EDIE: Pop. I need some money.
POP: Nope. You do not. Because you are a baby.
EDIE: That's bigotry. You're a baby bigot.
POP: Even if I gave you money how would you get to a store?
EDIE: You will carry me there.
POP: Fat chance, fat baby.
EDIE: You can't say those things. I could be scarred for life.
POP: No, you won't. Your memory sucks. Every time I put that panda shaped rattle in front of your face, you're surprised.
EDIE: That's not true. My memory is awesome.
POP: I'll prove it to you.
EDIE: You're the one that sucks. You don't know my brain. It's nice and smooth like a gray version of my butt and you...oh my gosh, there's a tiny panda in this room! It's filled with exciting noise!
POP: See? No memory equals no scars. Adults rule. Babies drool.
EDIE: I blow spit bubbles! It's my passion. Drool is just a byproduct of my passion. Just like lame jokes are a byproduct of yours.
POP: That was a low blow.
EDIE: That's all I can throw. I'm a foot and a half.
POP: Let's start over. Since I'll be doing this eventually. How much do you need?
EDIE: 900 dollars.
POP: My thumbs are angry. As I type this, know that I have furious thumbs.
EDIE: I neeeeeeed it!
POP: FOR WHAT? What in the name of all babydom could possibly cost 900 dollars?!
EDIE: A Bug-a-Boo.
POP: Those weirdo space strollers? I'm sorry. Is the future not getting here fast enough for you? Do you wish your last name was Jetson?
EDIE: All the other babies have one. I feel like we're trying to make a class statement when you carry me in a wrap or a bjorn.
POP: First off, stroller navigation in New York is outrageous. The navigating power of a body held device is preferable. And secondly, I wouldn't be caught dead pushing one of those bourgeousie baby limos if I became the King of Planet Earth.
EDIE: You spelled bourgeoisie wrong.
POP: My thumbs are on fire now! Do not correct me!
EDIE: And Mom says you dress like a communist anyway.
POP: Lava thumbs! LAVA THUMBS!
You need to take this on the road. You are so amazing.
ReplyDeleteJanners,
ReplyDeleteWe would but she's like that singing frog in the cartoon. She won't perform in public. Only from the safety of her bassinet, with a pacifier in one cheek and a cell phone in her pudgy hands.
I hate commenting on blogs. but i have to tell you, these Edie/Pop exchanges almost killed me. I was trying to laugh silently at work while reading it and inhaled a potato chip. Thanks a lot.
ReplyDeleteSuvi,
ReplyDeleteI'm more of a blog lurker myself so thank you. If you died on that potato chip, it would have sucked but it would have been the ultimate compliment for me.