ROMANCE NOVEL EXCERPT #5 - Everybody Get (Hoe)Down

Catch up on previous chapters:

Chapter 1 - Vanessa Lonelyheart

Chapter 2 - The Scottish Cowboy of My Heart

Chapter 3 - Lovers Ridge

Chapter 4 - Cow or Never

THE HEART IS THE LONELIEST DUDE RANCH

Excerpt from Chapter 5 - Everybody Get (Hoe)Down

The Annual Gentrified County Community Awareness Bucks for Border Patrol Hoedown was in full swing.  The night was Texas hot and clothes stuck to skin like panko.  It reminded Vanessa of making love.  The dragonflies riding by two by two reminded Vanessa of making love.  Even the young couple in the bushes who were making love reminded Vanessa of making love.  Oh, what a cruel night.  Her heart felt as swelled up as a blood sponge.

Vanessa Lonelyheart sauntered sadly through the ranch's prize winning rose garden.  And even though it had won Best- Rose-Garden-in-the-World-and-Probably-One-of-the-New-Seven-Wonders, the beauty didn't stir her.  Nothing stirred her.  Except for Dexter McChest.

She hadn't spoken to him since they helped that cow give birth.  It was an afternoon too intimate, too full of revelations.  The revelation about Dexter's sort of wife and child, their death by surface-to-air missile, what a cow placenta looked like.  And Dexter.  She had seen a real feeling inside of Dexter.  A man who had loved a child and perhaps could love one again.  That made Vanessa's womb jump.  Like a little basketball inside her guts court.

From her rose garden of solitude, she could hear the laughter and fiddles.  It was her old friend Yo Yo Ma going to town. Anybody who was anybody was in there dancing their fancy dance pants off. Senators, movie stars, socialites, oil sheiks, steel barons, submarine captains, time travelers, kids show hosts, lady spies, hawk trainers, sommeliers, rap battlers, and neighbors all dancing and writing checks to support the Texas Border Patrol and their new laser gun initiative. And somewhere in there, promenading with girl after girl, was Dexter.

"What are you doing, Vanessa? Your man is in there." said one half of the young couple who were just doing it a few rose bushes down from her.

"Yeah," said the other half. "You can't just wallow in your thoughts out here no matter how interesting they are.  You have to go inside and fight for that dude."

Vanessa put on her sexy pouty face and informed them, "Listen, I need a certain amount of introspection per chapter.  I can't run to him over and over.  The book would be over too soon."

And that's when she realized introspection quota was over.  She leaped over their naked bodies, catching her dress on a rose thorn and tearing it perfectly down the right side to reveal more buttery thigh.  The music was calling to her as she sexily sped walked toward the barn.  Words came to her from the Square Dance Caller, "Partner", "Man", "Couple", "Left".  Tonight was the night she would tell him how she felt.  The words would burst from her mouth like an eagle carrying a boombox with her voice playing on a cassette tape she recorded at home.

And when she entered the door she saw Dexter McChest.  The love of her life. Arm in arm with his old girlfriend. Sandra Bullock.

Next Chapter: BULLOCKS TO YOU, SANDRA!